Pat Robertson is a dick

Pat Robertson: Haiti “Cursed” After “Pact to the Devil”

Go fuck yourself!

Do as I say, not as I do

Financial Post nutjob Diane Francis writes, “A planetary law, such as China’s one-child policy, is the only way to reverse the disastrous global birthrate.”

She has two kids.

She’s an idiot.

Say “cheese”

So, whadya think of this picture?  A smiling, happy young lady, ecstatic in that special way that only the young and carefree can ever be.  Believe it or not, the administrators of her fucking school think she is displaying a gang sign in this picture.  I’m not fucking kidding:

A  James Madison High School student is being punished for making a funny face in her school photo. As a result, school officials have decided not to print her picture in the yearbook.

15-year-old Charlie Patton says she made a weird face because she was trying to make people smile. On photo day, she said the photographer hesitated before taking the snapshot.

“The camera girl looked at my mom and said, ‘You alright with that, mom?’” Patton recalls. “My mom said, ‘Sure, of course.’”

But administrators didn’t approve of the image. School officials are comparing her expression in her school picture to gang signs.

For fuck’s sake, people!

I’m not even going to bother elaborating here.  The stupidity here requires no elaboration.  I’ll just conclude with a question:  Which picture do you like better?  Happy little Charlie Patton up there, or the douchetard who runs her school?

Gun Crazy

Those fucking Brits:

A former soldier who handed a discarded shotgun in to police faces at least five years imprisonment for “doing his duty”.

Paul Clarke, 27, was found guilty of possessing a firearm at Guildford Crown Court on Tuesday – after finding the gun and handing it personally to police officers on March 20 this year.

The jury took 20 minutes to make its conviction, and Mr Clarke now faces a minimum of five year’s imprisonment for handing in the weapon.

In a statement read out in court, Mr Clarke said: “I didn’t think for one moment I would be arrested.

“I thought it was my duty to hand it in and get it off the streets.”

The court heard how Mr Clarke was on the balcony of his home in Nailsworth Crescent, Merstham, when he spotted a black bin liner at the bottom of his garden.

In his statement, he said: “I took it indoors and inside found a shorn-off shotgun and two cartridges.

“I didn’t know what to do, so the next morning I rang the Chief Superintendent, Adrian Harper, and asked if I could pop in and see him.

“At the police station, I took the gun out of the bag and placed it on the table so it was pointing towards the wall.”

Mr Clarke was then arrested immediately for possession of a firearm at Reigate police station, and taken to the cells.

Defending, Lionel Blackman told the jury Mr Clarke’s garden backs onto a public green field, and his garden wall is significantly lower than his neighbours.

He also showed jurors a leaflet printed by Surrey Police explaining to citizens what they can do at a police station, which included “reporting found firearms”.

Quizzing officer Garnett, who arrested Mr Clarke, he asked: “Are you aware of any notice issued by Surrey Police, or any publicity given to, telling citizens that if they find a firearm the only thing they should do is not touch it, report it by telephone, and not take it into a police station?”

To which, Mr Garnett replied: “No, I don’t believe so.”

Prosecuting, Brian Stalk, explained to the jury that possession of a firearm was a “strict liability” charge – therefore Mr Clarke’s allegedly honest intent was irrelevant.

Just by having the gun in his possession he was guilty of the charge, and has no defence in law against it, he added.

But despite this, Mr Blackman urged members of the jury to consider how they would respond if they found a gun.

He said: “This is a very small case with a very big principle.

“You could be walking to a railway station on the way to work and find a firearm in a bin in the park.

“Is it unreasonable to take it to the police station?”

Paul Clarke will be sentenced on December 11.

Judge Christopher Critchlow said: “This is an unusual case, but in law there is no dispute that Mr Clarke has no defence to this charge.

“The intention of anybody possessing a firearm is irrelevant.”

You know what?  Fuck this judge, fuck this jury, and fuck Great Britain!  Albion has become a place with a legal system that resembles Iran or Saudi Arabia.  This is just the latest story of basic rights and commonsense being crushed by an increasingly tyrannical government.

Mr. Clarke, get your ass over here to the U. S. of A. if you can.

Tipping point

Another example of how Americans increasingly don’t have a clue as to how to run a business:

If you’re frustrated by poor service at a restaurant, think twice before you decide to not tip. You may be in for a bit more than just a dirty look from the waiter.

“Nobody, nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service,” Leslie Pope said when her happy hour ended in handcuffs.

Pope and John Wagner were hauled away by police and charged with theft for not paying the mandatory 18 percent gratuity totaling $16 after eating at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem, Pa. with six friends.

Pope claimed that they had to wait nearly an hour for their order and that she had to get napkins and silverware for the table herself.

Un-motherfucking-believable!  DUI Attorney sums it up best:

I doubt it would surprise anybody if there will be a vacancy where the Lehigh Pub was very soon.

This dumbshit’s business has been crucified.

Oh yeah, here’s the address and phone number if you want to drop this genius a line:

4 E 4th St

Bethlehem, PA 18015

(610) 868-1313

Jesus!

Trick or treat

As happens every year, the festivities of Halloween have brought out the religious nutjobs.  The story:

Spanish bishops warn against ‘anti-Christian’ Halloween

Father Joan Maria Canals, the director of committee on Liturgy, said the emphasis had shifted from worshipping the saints to celebrating death.

“Children dress as witches, vampires, ghosts, corpses and skeletons and parents favour this type of festivities focusing on elements of death.” He said.

Instead families should use the holiday to visit the graves of loved ones in a “festival that encourages life and not death”, he said.

Yeah, if you want to celebrate life rather than death, making a bee line to the nearest graveyard is the best way to do it.  And, of course, you won’t find anything as ghoulish as someone resurrecting from the dead in the Christian Bible.

Video killed the video store

Alright,  I’ve come to accept that I will not be able to get a copy of The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) before Halloween.  It’s a great movie: well acted with beautiful sets and  thoroughly entertaining.  But not one damn video store in town has it.  I know video stores are on the way out.  And I know that changes in technology and economics are the primary factors.  But another important factor is that the selection at pretty much every video store sucks.  Most of the available movies appear to have been made since the early 1980s.  Classic old movies are hard to find.  In fact, the “classics” section of the video store no longer exists.  So do people actually buy the crap they have available?

No.  They don’t.

I went to Barnes and Noble tonight making another attempt to find The Bride of Frankenstein.  Of course, they didn’t have it.  Not much of a call for it, the video clerk told me.  I walked over to a large collection of videos, pulled one out, and brought it to him.  So there isn’t much of a call for The Bride of Frankenstein, but there is a call for The Extreme Adventures of Super Dave?  (The disc was marked at $4.99).  That’s all the guy needed to hear.

He walked back over to the rows and rows of DVDs and conceded that he had sold only 40 of them in the last year.  He was clearly embarrassed by many of the titles which included the 1973 Blaxploitation movie Coffy starring Pam Grier.  The clerk admitted that on the rare occasion he actually sold one of these DVDs, the purchaser was generally buying it for the kitsch value.

As a last-ditch effort, I went to Best Buy.  No Bride of Frankenstein.  But there was a prominent display of Bollywood movies.  Also available was Cheech Marin’s 1987 cinematic triumph Born in East L.A.  Like The Extreme Adventures of Super Dave, it could be had for $4.99.

So I’ll buy The Bride of Frankenstein online.  I might even be able to download it if I looked around a bit.  But there is little doubt that in a few years I’ll be able to very quickly download virtually any movie ever made.  And I won’t have to trek across town, going from one depressing video store to another, each one’s movie collection more pathetic and pitiful than the last.  And then the video store can assume it’s rightful place in the dustbin of history.

Driver’s Ed

Target acquired

Hey, parents, here’s a great new way for you to stalk your kids.  It’s a GPS device call the “Little Buddy Child Tracker“.  Finally, you’re no longer limited to stunting your child’s intellectual and emotional growth by harrassing them via text messages over their cell phone.  (Every kid needs a cell phone).

Now you can pinpoint their goddamn co-ordinates on the planet’s surface, you personality disordered freaks.

Clear cut case

Some stupid fuck ran over his goddamn kid with his lawnmower and then sued the company that made the lawnmower.  While this never should have made it to trial, at least the outcome was just:

The John Deere company and a local distributor are not liable for a 2006 riding lawn mower accident that cost a Springfield toddler her leg, a Lane County jury decided after 10 days of testimony and eight hours of deliberation.

In three 9-to-3 votes, the panel rejected arguments by attorneys seeking more than $11 million in damages on behalf of Isabelle Norton, now 6.

The divided decisions held that Deere had not created and sold a defective and unreasonably dangerous product, and that neither Deere nor the Ramsey-Waite Co. were negligent in the way they marketed and sold the machine.

They and their witnesses arg-ued throughout the trial that there was no way to “child-proof” a machine as powerful as a riding mower. They emphasized that Isabelle’s parents had not heeded a sign affixed to the mower warning operators not to give children rides on the machine and that her father had disregarded its warnings not to mow in reverse or when children were around.

You mean they actually had a “Don’t Mow Down Your Goddamn Children With This Mower, You Dumbass” warning on the thing?  For fuck’s sake!

Make this subhuman piece of shit pay the legal bills for the innocent John Deere Company and the local dealership he blamed for his own fucking stupidity.

[T]he accident occurred after Kurt Norton went outside to mow his backyard despite no other adult being home to supervise five children ages 9 and younger that he left inside the house watching television.

Christ!  Five fucking children and the oldest was goddamn nine?!  Put the fuck in prison!